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Dear Little Person

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Occasionally I get a letter from a financial firm which makes me want to bang my head against the wall. At the end of the last year I called out Aviva for their awful pensions communications. I did meet the CEO the following week who was actually an impressive man, excited about digital transformation and highly aware of the challenges. We talked about what could be done and bashed around some ideas…… but then once delegated to another department nothing happened other than lots of emails and re-arranged meetings. And nothing has changed.

 

This week I happen to be calling out Barclays for their annual tax statements sent to clients. But frankly this could be 90% of firms. They cannot and must not blame compliance for lazy and frankly rude prose. I am a customer – but I don’t feel the love!

 

What They Say

What It Sounds Like To Me

 

Dear Little Person,

 

Here is the annual document we have to give you where the arts graduates in marketing force us to pretend to be personal by starting with the pronoun ‘I’. In fact no individual has re-drafted this letter since 1989, but thankfully our competitors are also so bad, our actuaries calculate that you are more likely to die than complain. This document is merely a pain in the neck required to keep HMRC happy and compliance off our backs.

 

If you have any questions or need any advice about the content of this letter please kindly phone someone else.

 

If you have any questions about the numbers on this piece of paper please call an 0800 number and prepare to wait for ages as we will undoubtedly be experiencing unusually high calls volumes at the time. But your call will be very important to us.

 

Yours with little sincerity,

 

If You Think I’m Telling You My Name So You Can Phone Up And Whinge You Must Be Joking

 

This is not OK!

Surely it’s not beyond the wit of man for the collective brain power of a FTSE 100 company to write a better letter!? This is plain laziness.

 

Rant over. Fingers crossed for a sunny long weekend. Over and out. 

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