Oil, shares and #pensionsnotprimer

Another week, another series of headlines which rattle the global cage. This morning I woke up to the chilling headline “Israel launches attack on Iran”.

As always the stock markets cut straight to the chase, with no emotion, political posturing or judgement. “Oil price surges and stocks slide” is the resulting headline on the business pages. Brent crude oil had its biggest spike in more than three years. Gold went up. And shares fell.

And this is why behind all the wibblewobble and equity-this and alpha-that, when you strip away the BS, investing is not that complicated. It's a bunch of fearful and greedy humans reacting to what they see, in a mostly predictable way.

So here’s the script, with no maths, no graphs and no equations. We see fighting in the Middle East which probably makes it harder to get oil out of the region. So, there’s less of it and we have to pay more to get our hands on it. And the price goes up. We see chaos and uncertainty, so we want something tangible, safe and solid which will survive the meddling of the most flammable politicians. Gold. And we worry about conflict leading to barriers to trade, less money and confidence in consumer hands, and businesses operating in tougher environments, so we sell shares and put the money somewhere safer, like gold, or cash, or US Treasury bonds. And the stock market falls. Voilà.

It does make the case for diversification, which people like me are always banging on about. Most things were down in my account this morning apart from my gold fund (iShares Physical Gold ETC, since you ask), which softens the overall blow. What am I doing in response to all of this? Nothing. I have some money in cash (N.B. NOT my current account) for short-term emergencies if I need it, so I don’t need to worry if things go up and down in my share account. It’s par for the course.

This week has been a busy one. I’ve been filming various bits for the Telegraph and some clients, and whizzing around giving talks at a few conferences.

During a break from filming on Wednesday, I talked to one of the young women on the shoot. She was a self-described make-up fiend and is part of the tribe which follows TikTok influencers religiously. For those not initiated, these are endless videos of young women putting on layers of expensive products you’ve never heard of, drooling about the packaging which they tap with acrylic nails, and watching videos of people making ice cubes with fruit in and putting them into tubs. (I'm not joking).

Here’s the jaw drop moment. This lady probably spent one-third of her income on make-up, skincare and clothes. HUH?! I think the beauty industry is at risk of becoming 2025’s equivalent of the tobacco industry, using (abusing?) social media to persuade young people to inject themselves with fillers, shove nonsense on wrinkle-free faces and contour, polish, prime and primp. This industry is second on my hate list, behind the social media giants.

As is my duty, I tried to persuade her to #putthe****ingprimerbackinthebasket and pop that £50 into a pension instead. (Yup, I'm that cool.) So here’s my question. Which large brand will sponsor me for the above hashtag and send me to run around the nation’s Space NK’s leaping out at young women, snatching products from their manicured hands and barking about #pensionsnotprimer? I think it’s a winner. Any takers???

To all younger readers. You're lovely. You have no wrinkles and if you do, they're laughter lines. PUT THE PRIMER BACK and put £50 into a pension. GO ON! If you don’t know where to start and this feels very alien, our 2025 Best Buy Pensions will help, and Moneyfarm, Nutmeg, PensionBee and Vanguard will be the easiest for beginners.

For people further along their investment journeys, with some more accumulated laughter lines, you may be interested in having a look at the best-selling funds from May. I also answered a reader’s question on crypto – if you have to scratch the itch (not a recommendation), here are a few places which you might check out. And this week’s sponsored piece looks at Asia, reminding us that 60% of the world’s population lives in Asia (amazing) and looking at some of the opportunities here.

Have a brilliant weekend, everyone. And younger female readers, I’m not preaching. I probably spent the equivalent on Silk Cut and vodka in my 20s, so it’s an observation, not a sanctimonious nag. But I still think primer is a load of ^%*^$^.

Holly