"I've never had empty-nest grief – because my children don’t leave home!"

By Jane Gow, financial planner

Financial planner Jane Gow - a 55-year-old mother of three girls and one boy from the Wirral - has never suffered the loneliness of her children leaving home. That’s because her ‘boomerang’ kids just keep coming back.

As a mother of four children aged between 22 and 30, I’ve never fully achieved being an empty nester.

When my eldest daughter Jemma – who is now 30 - went to university Edge Hill University down the road to study business, I felt worried about how she would cope in the big world on her own at just 18. In contrast, my husband’s response was, ‘One down, three to go!’

I needn’t have worried – she was very independent and even stayed away to work over the summer.

Rebecca – daughter number two who is now 28 - was not quite as confident. She enjoyed her home comforts and decided early on that student accommodation in Manchester wasn’t to her taste, returning home after just six months to finish her uni course in fashion marketing from the comfort of our family home.

Our third daughter Laura, who is now 26, then also happily went off to Edge Hill University and came home once a month, with the dreaded dirty washing and to stock up on food supplies.

My youngest son Josh, who is 22, didn’t go to university and opted to be an apprentice. He is much more ‘hands on’ and enjoyed engineering at school and has just started year three of a four year apprenticeship course. The first couple of years he didn’t earn much on an apprenticeship wage and living at home was his only option.

The boomerang stage

Finally, one by one they all graduated and got full-time jobs - my three daughters all now work for me in financial planning. And then they came back home.

I believe this is known as the ‘boomerang stage’. It was at this stage I tried to introduce the concept of housekeeping money.

I’d been brought up watching the sitcom ‘Bread’ about a Liverpudlian family called the Boswells who would put money in the family kitty. And naively thought that when my adult children and their partners came to live with us they would all just start contributing to a pot for housekeeping.

They were all shocked by this concept. They couldn’t quite believe we were actually going to charge them to live in their family home.

One of my top tips now for younger families would be to introduce this concept to them from a much younger age - maybe even aged three or four - so they understand you have to work to pay for mortgages and bills and then as they grow up it’s not an alien concept that they will have to contribute.

Since boomeranging back home after uni, they have now one by one left home again to set up their own homes. I’m now a grand-parent to Belle – who is two and half – and Freddie aged just one week!

We went from a family of four to a family of eight

This brings with it more challenges. As soon as we went into lockdown, I had a panicked phone call from my youngest daughter, Laura - who at the time had six-week-old baby Belle - to ask if she and her partner could move back in with us. She was concerned about being isolated and having no family support during Covid while she cared for a young baby. Her partner had been furloughed and rather than worrying at home on their own they moved back with us.

We went from a family of four back up to a family of eight for several months. I can’t deny it made the lockdown experience more enjoyable having them all back home and I loved being able to spend time with my adorable grand-child.

So where am I now? Still not quite an empty nester, my youngest son is living with us and his girlfriend has just moved in while they save for a house deposit. That’s the reality in 2022, young people just can’t afford to pay rent and save for a house.

My daughter Jemma, her husband Darren and one week old Freddie are building an extension next year and Jemma wants to be temporarily rehoused back in the family home with us for three months whilst renovations are done on her own home.

We remind them it’s not an all-inclusive hotel

It’s nice when they come home and I’m enjoying my boomerang children, it is totally different living with adult children although we do have to be strict on the job rotas and often remind them it’s not an all-inclusive hotel.

We are still in our family home so everyone has their own space, both bedrooms and bathrooms. At some stage in the future – when they do all go - we will need to consider downsizing to a smaller house.

I can’t deny I am dreading being an empty nester when the time eventually comes. The house only feels alive with some, or all of them, in the family home. Although I can’t pretend that an occasional few weeks of being an empty nester doesn’t appeal. It would be nice to put my feet up and watch a bit of Netflix!

Jane Gow is a Chartered Financial Planner who runs her own business, Clear Cut Financial Planning.